French Mythbusters: Episode 1

Let's be frank.  Americans, and the rest of the world, have some strong preconceived notions about the French. As with stereotypes the world around, these are mostly nonsense, but periodically have a grain of truth to them (see again "stereotypes").  In order to help me order some of my thoughts and observations, here follows some common "beliefs" and my responses to them.  I realize most of the people reading this blog are level headed and worldly enough to know better than to take these stereotypes without a grain of salt.  However, we are all influenced, however subtly, by these things we have heard until we have a chance to change our perspectives first hand.  Here are some of my first hand experiences to tide you over til you get to yours.

1. The French are rude.  Well, fine maybe not everyone...the Parisians are terrible though!

My last trip to Paris made me a firm believer in this one.  Was I here long enough to have enough interactions for a decently rigorous sample size?  Of course not.  Also, I think I was probably 15, clearly the peak of worldly wisdom.  

A portrait of Nick that we stumbled upon.
(Not related to this post in any way.)

So far, the people here who have been helpful, kind, respectful and friendly far outnumber those who have not.  Admittedly, I speak a little more French than I did before and I have gotten better at faking it in any language.  The key is not to address people first in English or to have the first words from your mouth be, "Do you speak English?" even if you're saying it in French.  It's a pretty basic thing when you stop and think about it.  How would you feel if someone walked up to you and started speaking in a language you didn't understand while in your home country, automatically expecting you to comprehend what they're saying?  Or asks if you speak their language, without first even saying hello.  I'd be miffed too.

I've observed this a few times in comparing the interactions and reactions that Nick and I get from waiters.  Nick, at first, would frequently start out by asking in French if they spoke English.  When I'm in a foreign country, my English gets strange accents and I feel very odd talking in my native tongue.  When I did the talking to waiters, I prefaced with many apologies and began blundering my way through some French.  Though I'm sure they all understood Nick much better (most of them do speak English) there was a subtle shift in demeanor and a generally more pleased vibe when we would attempt some French first.

Here, I think is the more interesting bit that is really what leads to many tourists' misunderstanding of the French.  The expectations on what a waiter should be in France, Paris at least, is completely different from the perspective of most Americans.  Furthermore, most travelers encounter more waiters than they do any other representative of the culture they are experiencing.  Here there be problems.

Old church (Eglise St. Eustache), new mall (Forum des Halles)
expansion being built (also Les Halles)
(Still not related to this post.)

A French waiter should, ideally, see to all of your needs, while leaving you completely alone.  They should be respectful, efficient, knowledgeable and a largely unseen part of your dining experience.  This perky, "Hi, howya doin', I'm Shelly and I'll be your server for the evening, please ask me anything and feel free to tell me your life story," vibe that is sometimes taken too far (in my introverted, anti-social opinion) in the States, just doesn't compute for most French people.  French waiters aren't rude when they don't smile at you or talk much, in fact, you'll notice it's exactly how they treat everyone else.  They are working to serve you a meal, not to socialize. I for one, wholeheartedly love this particular French quirk.  Most of the waiters I have seen are the most hardworking individuals I've encountered here and they are completely courteous and helpful.  Because they approach their job so professionally, I never feel bad interrupting them if I need something.  It is their job and they take it as such, so you never get those subtle vibes that you are imposing on their social time.  

An added perk, all taxes are included into the price of the meal and there is no requirement to tip.  Meals look much more expensive here, but by the time you take that into account, it's pretty close to the same.  

Well, that got a bit off topic, but moral of the story is thus:  The French are about as rude as anybody else who lives in an enormous city where they put up with the noise, sights and smells of a gajillion* other people every day.  Of course, I'm making no claims to fully understand all the ins and outs of a culture that I've only spent two full weeks experiencing.  I'll probably need at least another week for that...

*again, this is a technical term